King and Princess Talk
by justabeautifullittlefool
Summary: 20 times the right question forces Clarke and Bellamy to say everything they need to say.
1. 5

**AN: This story will be made up of 20 one-shots, each one a question. They won't be in chronological order but the number in parenthesis (1-20) will give you an idea of where that chapter falls on the timeline. This world of mine is sort of canon...sort of not...I'll just call it wishful thinking. Thanks for reading and of course let it be said that I do not own the 100 and this is all just for fun. =) **

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><p><em><strong>(5)<strong> Why haven't we had sex? (aka _ the one where their working environment definitely isn't sexual tension free.)_  
><em>

"Alright so Kye and Harris are still sick, Everett's arm isn't fully healed, and Tess is still in quarantine from that rash."

"Is that it?"

"That's it."

"Four excused, that means I'm going to have to put two more people on lumber…"

"Whoa, whoa Bellamy what are you doing?"

He freezes and stares down at the woodchips on the table in front of him. Each one had a number carved into it which corresponded to a name on Clarke's master list. They had created the system to preserve paper. So far it was working pretty well. Bellamy didn't much like the idea of reducing someone's identity to a number, but as a temporary system until they finished reestablishing their camp it was the best they could do.

"What do you mean what am I doing?" he asks "I'm doing the same thing I do every…"

"You can't put Alexander and Laurel on lumber together." She reaches over him and grabs their woodchips. "They just broke up last night. All they'll do is argue and nothing will get done."

He's stunned for a moment because since when has Clarke paid attention to camp gossip?

She leans forward and looks at the other groups he had arranged. "Ethan and Paul shouldn't be in the same hunting party either, they're both sleeping with Olivia they'll probably shoot each other. I'll just put Paul on lumber…"

He grabs her arm "Paul is a good shot."

"Okay, than Ethan…"

"No, I put them both in the hunting party for a reason Clarke."

"Well it's not going to work."

"Why because their fucking the same girl? Big deal." He tries to snatch the woodchips out of her hand but she rips them away. He's starting to get annoyed now, and that's really unfortunate because it's been a record two weeks since they've had a serious argument.

"And this is why things haven't been getting done around here."

Oh yeah he's definitely pissed.

"Why because I'm not factoring in childish bullshit…."

"No because you're so focused on what has to be done that you're not paying attention. They're people Bellamy, barely adults, and if we want this society to function we have to make sure we know what's going on with them."

"You seriously want me to take their sex lives into consideration?"

"For the benefit of productivity, yes. Here- let me show you…" she pulls out her pencil and the master list that she keeps in her pocket. Bellamy watches as she starts drawing lines, furrowing her brow in that way she usually does when diagnosing wounds, the particularly nasty kind that make Bellamy (and any normal person) want to throw up. "Okay," she finally says "I drew a line between everyone that, to my knowledge, has had some kind of sexual contact or romantic relationship. We should try to separate them as much as possible."

And then she hands him a piece of paper that is basically filled with 78 names and what must be 230 lines.

"What the fuck has been going on around here?!" he stares down at the list in shock because _when_ and _where_ and _how in the holy hell_ did all this go on? "This is ridiculous Clarke, I can't sit here for hours and try to navigate this bullshit. They need to learn to deal with each other like adults."

"It seems like there's a lot of dealing with each other like adults going on. That's kind of the problem."

She's almost smiling at him now and he definitely doesn't appreciate her smart mouth, even if he does stare at it for a few seconds too long.

"What, you want to do have a camp-wide sex talk? That'll go over well."

He shakes his head and tosses the list back at her. He'll redo the groups, but not right away. It's part of this partnership they've developed. He'll compromise with her on basically everything but he'll do so on his own terms. Usually that means waiting until she walks away from him so he doesn't have to see the look of triumph on her face.

She just sighs and looks back down at the list "I just think you need to pay attention more. These are our people, what goes on in their lives might seem petty but it still matters."

He rolls his eyes and looks back down at the stupid woodchips. She's obviously not going to let this go so he should just make a few changes to pacify her and then spend the next few days causally reminding everyone he sees to keep it in their fucking pants.

"Jesus….this is stupid… Clarke did Anthony fuck Charlene or Jade?" he feels like he's putting together a fucking puzzle and it's ridiculous and unnecessary. "Clarke?" When he looks back to see why she hasn't answered him, she's examining the list again. "Princess?!" he slams his hands down on the table and she jumps "trying to develop a sexual tension free working environment here and I kind of need your help."

"Sorry," she says as she shakes her head "Sorry I was just thinking…"

"Uh huh, so Anthony, was it Charlene or Jade or both?"

"Why haven't we had sex?"

It's the weirdest thing because he knows what she just said, he understands english, but he can't process it. He looks around the tent, absolutely sure that the words had come from someone else, but it's just the two of them: Clarke and Bellamy who definitely have not had sex. She's looking at him like he's done her some great injustice, like there's an actual reason they haven't other than the fact that Bellamy has really, really, _really_ good self-control. What the fuck is he supposed to say to that that doesn't make him sound like an asshole or a pathetic thirteen year old pining after his first crush?

"Who has time for sex?" He says lightly, as if humor would actually be able to diffuse the impenetrable fog that is this tension "you know...besides everyone in this camp apparently."

"You did." She says as she holds up the list and he sees six or seven lines from his name. He wonders how the hell she knew about all of them, he'd only ever told her about Raven. Then again he wasn't exactly discrete in his younger days as Bellamy, King of whatever the hell we want.

"I did, I did then because I was trying to distract myself from how fucked I was."

His eyes raise a few centimeters above his own name and sees Clarke's with one solitary line leading to Finn. It's the most irritating line he's ever seen.

"Just never with me."

"Nope. So, Anthony…"

"You don't think that's weird?"

"I think this is weird, I think talking about this is really fucking weird." It's painful really.

She sighs and puts the list down. He's actually stupid enough to look over at her and he hates himself for it because she looks like he's just rejected her.

"Princess what is this really about?" he asks as he runs his hands over his face.

"I don't know." She says "I have less lines than almost anyone else in camp and I just…spend so much time with you and I don't know, I guess I'm kind of surprised that nothing's ever….happened."

He's quiet for a second, letting his words run through his eternal filter two or three extra times before he actually speaks. "You don't have as many lines because people here respect you._ I_ respect you."

"So you won't have sex with me because you respect me?"

"Why do I feel like you're gonna be pissed no matter how I answer that?"

"I'm just…" she sighs "Nevermind, it's dumb okay. It's stupid, forget it. Anthony slept with both of them, but he and Charlene are still friends."

She looks upset and its impossible for him to focus when she looks upset, so he turns all the way in his chair so that he's facing her "Really Clarke?"

"What?"

"I can't work on this when you're over there moping."

"I'm not moping!"

"So you want to do it? Is that it? Cause we can do it right now."

"Stop it Bellamy."

"I don't get it, you're mad because we haven't done it , but you don't want to do it…"

"I just…" she lets out an impatient sigh and he can tell that she's starting to blush "I don't know I guess it would just be nice to know that you're interested in me…like that…even if you never act on it."

He must look at her like she's an idiot because she covers her face with her hands and shakes her head "I told you it was stupid. Just forget it."

He turns back around, because he knows what she needs to hear and he sure as hell isn't going to look at her when he says it. "Yeah okay Clarke, I'm not attracted to the only woman on this earth that performed advanced surgery without training, subdued a mob, battled grounders, survived being captured and tortured, told the Ark to go fuck themselves, and still manages to find time to keep these kids alive."

She doesn't say anything.

"That was sarcasm Princess, of course I'm interested in you…..like that, but we have jobs to do here. We're too important to…it's just not what this is."

"I know that," and he's sure her voice is just a little bit lighter. "I just wanted to hear you say it."

He almosts laughs, especially when he turns back around and sees her smile. "So what about me then?" He asks "You've never put the moves on me, are _you_ the one that's not interested?"

She stands up, folds the master list, and places it back in her pocket "Do you remember when you had that bee sting and I told you, you had to keep your shirt off for the next few days to prevent infection?"

"Yeah."

"I definitely made that up." She shoots him a wink and leaves the tent.

She is…..seriously not what Bellamy ever expected.


	2. 13

_**(13)** Why can't you just leave me alone? _(aka the one with all the yelling…and kissing.)_  
><em>

They've been doing so well.

It's been months since Clarke and Bellamy had an argument like this… a year maybe. She knows that the best thing to do in these situations is walk away and let him calm down, but this time she has no intentions of making it easy on him. So she follows him back to his tent with her arms crossed and her head held high because he does not just get to dismiss her like a dog and do whatever he wants.

"You're being selfish Bellamy. You have a personal vendetta and you're willing to risk all of us…"

"Shut up and go to bed Clarke. It's over."

"No!" and she realizes that she stomps her foot but she really hopes he doesn't "It's not over actually! We need to talk about this."

"I don't need to do anything!" he steps closer to her and she has to seriously fight the urge to step back because it has been a long time since she's seen Bellamy this annoyed. "Now get out of my face before you wake up the whole camp!"

He storms into his tent and Clarke ends up turning on the spot three times before she decides that the days of picking her battles are over. She's all in on this one, and she's not going to walk away until he listens to her. So she stomps in and finds him sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. He actually doesn't look very surprised to see her, honestly he was probably expecting this, but it definitely doesn't make him any less angry.

"I did not invite you in here." he says "get the fuck out."

"Don't vote on the war treaty."

"Clarke get the fuck out now."

"We've already sent our people to fight their battles, I'm all for an alliance Bellamy but at what cost? We lost two men…"

"You think I don't remember how many men we lost?! I was there Princess!"

"So you want to go back?!"

"I want to do what's best for our people."

"Marching to their death is what's best for them?! They aren't soldiers Bellamy!"

"Clarke get out of my tent."

"No."

"Get out of my tent."

"No."

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING TENT!"

"NO! SEE, I CAN YELL TOO! YOU LIKE THAT? LET'S JUST WAKE EVERYONE UP BECAUSE BELLAMY CANT MAN UP AND…"

He walks forward and puts his hand over her mouth. She shoves him away and resists the urge to bite him. "Don't put your hands on me." She says, and he almost looks guilty for a second and then the anger is back and he's re-lacing his boots.

"Fine, if you won't go then I will."

"If you would just abstain then I could explain to them that we don't have the man power to.."

"No one has the man power for this! This isn't about winning a war, it's about making ourselves a force to be reckoned with. We need them to fear us!"

"It's too risky Bellamy."

"Clarke you're a healer, a damn good healer but don't start pretending that you're a fucking military strategist."

"We didn't come down here to go to war."

"No, we came down here to die."

"We should at least put it to a vote, they should decide."

He turns and glares at her "If anyone in this camp wants to go, then no one is going to stop them. You can vote all you want, but when the time comes there are going to be people that want to do all they can to defend this community."

Son of a bitch, that's what this is about. It's about _him_.

He walks out of the tent and she follows again, this time not letting him get too far ahead of her.

"So you're going then? That's what this is about? You just want to make sure that you'll have the opportunity to…"

He stops and turns to face her "To protect my sister and the people that I care about? Yeah princess."

"Bellamy, you barely came back last time! I had to dig a damn bullet out of your side!"

He ignores her, and she notices that he's purposefully walking towards her tent as if he could just deposit her and move on.

"And what about Octavia huh? Have you told her yet? I'm sure she'll be thrilled."

"Don't talk about my sister Clarke."

"She's going to be furious and you know it, because this is fucking stupid! You're gonna get yourself killed because you can't just move on and …."

He stops suddenly and she runs into his back. They're in front of her tent, he holds out his arm and glares at her "Home sweet home your majesty". And then he turns away like he doesn't expect her to follow him again, but now she's furious and there's this panic welling up in her chest because this _fight alongside the grounders_ thing sounds a lot like a suicide mission and she will not be left to manage this camp on her own.

"So you're gonna go off to war and leave your sister behind and Miller will follow you because he follows you everywhere, maybe even Sterling and Carmichael and that's just okay with you because you want to avenge two deaths that wouldn't have even happened if you hadn't agreed to this war in the first place!"

"ENOUGH CLARKE."

"No! You can't do this Bellamy, you can't let survivor's guilt make this decision!"

"STOP FOLLOWING ME!"

"Stop thinking about going back into a war!"

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" he looks desperate when he turns to face her, and it's that look that deflates her anger. He's not going to change his mind. If anyone had a chance at doing that it would be Octavia, not her. He was going to do whatever he wanted to do even though they've worked on and perfected their partnership for the last five years, when it came down to it Bellamy Blake still thought he was a king and Clarke was just the princess that was good at applying bandages.

"You know what? Fine. Fine. Go to war, lead more people to their deaths and leave people here mourning and alone. Devastate your sister, get yourself killed, do whatever it is King Bellamy wants to do. Obviously a weak little girl like me can't understand war. I'll leave you alone, but don't you fucking dare come to me the morning you leave with a goodbye and some bullshit about always coming back because that doesn't matter if you're just going to leave again." She turns and walks calmly into her tent, kicks her boots off furiously, and then he's there.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He says.

"Yeah, you mentioned that."

"Clarke, I need to do this."

"Get out."

"Why don't you tell me why you're really mad?"

"I just did!"

"I'd devastate my _sister_ or I'd devastate _you_?"

She snorts and shakes her head but…he's not wrong, so what can she say? "Just leave Bellamy."

"I have to do this for our people, for our alliance. It won't be like last time."

"Last time when you were gone two weeks longer than you promised and came back with two dead bodies and a nearly fatal bullet wound? Do you fucking hear yourself? I'm supposed to be okay with this?"

"Clarke." He takes a step closer and she knows what's he's doing.

"Don't."

"I need you to understand."

"I do. I do understand. You've made it perfectly clear what's important to you Blake, so just leave alright. You wanted me to leave you alone, fine."

She walks over to the table and slams her hands down and (because they are far too much alike for this to have ever been a reasonable relationship) Bellamy follows her. He stands right behind her, so his breath is on the back of her neck. She's so annoyed her hands are shaking and she's about five minutes from leaving her tent and hiding in Ravens for the rest of the night. She_ knows_ what this is because it's long overdue and he has always had shit timing.

"Turn around Princess."

"No."

His hand gently wraps around her wrist and she lets him spin her around. It's almost embarrassing because she can't meet his eyes. She can practically feel the intensity there and it's seriously just too much.

"Bellamy I can't….I just want to go to bed."

He ignores her again, like he's been doing all night, and tilts her head up to look at him. "I'm always going to come back."

"You can't make that promise."

"You trust me."

"Not with this."

"That's bullshit Clarke."

"Don't ask me to be okay with this."

"Don't ask me to stay."

She closes her eyes and tries not to imagine how bad it felt the last time, waiting for him to come back every day. Back then things were so different. It would be worse now and she knew it. He knew it too. (Probably one of many reasons that he was so adamant about avoiding this conversation). She doesn't know how to handle this, so she just settles for honesty.

"I am so fucking furious with you I can't even look at your face."

"I'm going Clarke. I'm going because it's what I promised them years ago and it's the right thing to do, but I. Will. Be. Back."

"I told you I didn't want to hear this."

"And when I come back you and I are gonna have a nice long conversation about this."

"About what?"

"You know what." He moves closer and she turns her head

"Don't do this right now. Don't ruin it by doing it when I want to punch you in the face."

"Clarke,"

"You don't get to do this and then just leave Bellamy, that's not fair."

"Please."

And she wants him to stay exactly where he is, with his arm around her waist and the other on her cheek and his eyes looking at her like she hung the moon. This is what's changed, because he didn't give her this look last time.

"Clarke?" his forehead is touching hers and his eyes are closed and he's giving her the power. She can't make him stay but she can make him wait. Or he could leave her tonight and be gone by the end of the week and she'd just be thinking about this moment and if she had only let it happen because as unromantic and horrible as this whole situation is….it seems perfect. So she's moves forward a few inches and her lips tentatively touch Bellamy's for the first time, then she does it again and his seem to react, again and the need for slowness and oxygen seems to fall at the wayside. They kiss like they've been holding it back for years because they have. His hands are holding her face in place and her lips are parting and she's making noises completely out of her control and it's unfair that she can't just go on doing this forever. Breathing seems like such a waste of time once she's kissed Bellamy.

He pulls away and he's panting like he's just jogged around the camp and back. "Ask me to stay."

"What?"

"Ask me to stay, tell me you don't want me to go."

She's not sure if it's a test, because he's looking at her like she's holding the button that will decide his fate. This isn't Bellamy, well it is, but it's the Bellamy that just realized that he's got something more to come home too and for a man who's lost everything he loves over and over again Clarke can understand the apprehension (considering she's lost everything too). She wants to tell him to stay. She wants to bask in victory because if he agrees not to go than that means she's won this whole thing doesn't it? But she admires him because of who he is, and who he is…he wouldn't stay for Clarke, he'd go for Clarke. She sighs because she's signing herself up for months of torture and hours and hours of trying to keep Octavia level headed, but when he comes back he'll come back the right way and this whole argument will have been nothing but a means to an end.

"No," she finally says "that's not my decision to make. If you want to go, you should go. I'll be here when you get back."

He smiles and it's worth it "Fuck, I'm going to miss you."

"Don't…don't do that yet. I can't deal with that right now."

He smiles again "Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're angry?"

"Do you ever shut up?"

They kiss until she feels lightheaded and then she makes him leave her tent because she is still fucking furious with him. (although she may or may not sneak over into his about an hour later).


	3. 10

**AN: Remember that these are not in chronological order! Thanks for reading!**

_**(10)** Who the hell do you think you are? (aka the one with Crazy Ted.)  
><em>

She storms into his tent in a fury, kicking his discarded boots out of her way.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she demands.

He knows why she's here, he'd been expecting her for hours, but the sight of her there, red-faced with clenched fists, glaring at him like she could make him burst into flames using only her eyes was enough to make him crack a smirk.

Her eyes narrow and she steps forward "I just met with Ted, who apologized to me for not acknowledging my marital status."

"Well, that was considerate of him."

"Stop fucking smirking."

"Calm down Clarke."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down!"

"Uh, Yeah."

She makes this hilarious face, like it's painful to keep her eyes open, and then she turns around like she's going to leave, turns back around and opens her mouth, turns back around and stomps her foot, finally she marches over so that she's standing in front of where he sits on his bed. "This is unforgivable."

"Is it dramatic in here or is it just me?"

"You told him we were married!"

"No, no I didn't tell him anything. Everyone else told him we were married, I just didn't deny it."

Her eyes are so wide he wonders if it's painful. "Why would everyone…What…How did this even happen?!"

"He showed up with Lincoln and O. Then he went off to examine a set of tracks by the stream because apparently he's been looking for some ancient animal called bigfoot. Lincoln pulled me aside and said Ted had been talking about proposing marriage to you to solidify the alliance between our clans. Octavia must have told everyone else because by the time he saw me he was congratulating me on my "_bitchin"_ choice of wife."

"Why would they say that we were..."

"Because they know that Ted and his people are fucking weirdos and you don't belong with them."

"I would have said no!"

"I was warned that he can be persistent."

"So lying to him was the way to go? Goddamnit Bellamy we need peace with these people."

"First of all, they're a nomadic clan of polygamists that wear jewelry made of human teeth we don't _need_ to have anything to do with them. Second, how could this possibly disrupt the peace?"

"Because it's a lie!"

"It's not that much of a lie."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't get all twitchy on me Princess, I just meant that from a political standpoint, we kind of are married."

"Marriage is not something that should be considered from a political standpoint."

"Well I mean, hundreds of years ago most marriages were….."

"I'm not a princess Bellamy, you're not my father, or my husband, or my king. You had no right to lie to that man."

"Did it ever occur to you that turning down Ted's proposal would disrupt the peace more than this little white lie?"

"IT'S NOT A LITTLE WHITE LIE."

"We see them once or twice a year, when they come around we just act the way we usually do and no one will suspect a thing."

"And what about here in Camp, how are they gonna react to this?"

"They know it's a lie, and anyway they joke about us being married all the time."

"They do not!"

"They call us Mom and Dad."

"And other clans, what if word gets to other clans!?"

"What other clans will listen to anything Crazy Ted has to say?"

"What if there's some guy that I'm meant to be with…my soul mate… in a clan that we haven't met yet that hears from Crazy…from Ted that Clarke is married to Bellamy?!"

"You think your soul mate is a grounder?! Didn't you already try that once?"

"You seriously don't think you did anything wrong do you?"

"You didn't want to marry Ted, and as for this hypothetical grounder soul mate of yours I think that would be a mistake. You know how I feel. We need to create a culture of our own, not of the Ark not of the Grounders but of _us_. We need to marry within…"

"Who am I going to marry out there Bellamy?"

He sighs and he wants to say it, but he feels like at this point she might actually try to claw his eyes out.

"I just…I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you didn't say anything to me, you just pretended to be my husband."

"I actually didn't have to pretend all that much."

"Stop saying things like that!"

"It's true!"

"No it's not!"

"Clarke we are domestic as fuck and don't try to tell me differently. I know how you feel about me, you know how I feel about you. This is the way it is."

"How I feel about….what are you talking about? You and I have never…ever discussed…feelings….or domesticity."

He raises his eyebrows at her because he knows she's playing dumb, there are so many things unspoken between them that most of them have just sort of become a given.

"This is not okay Bellamy. I trusted you."

"Oh come on Clarke. I lied to Crazy Ted, you've seen all the weird ass plants he smokes. He probably won't even remember coming here today. You're making this into a bigger deal then it needs to be."

"Because I don't like surprises. I don't like hearing that the one person I trust most on this earth is telling lies about me!"

One look at the betrayal in her eyes and the whole thing doesn't seem as funny anymore.

"I didn't mean to betray your trust okay?" he sighs and runs his hands over his face. "Honestly the guy is fucking creepy and I was just trying to save you from an awkward situation - and I know you can handle things fine on your own but I just…that's who I am and you know that."

"You don't think that everyone deciding we were married behind my back is putting me in an awkward situation?"

"Okay, Clarke, you've made your point. I was wrong. Next time I'll be sure to send the grounder straight to you so you can live happily ever after." He hears the anger in his voice and it surprises him almost as much as it surprises Clarke.

"So somehow I've become the bad guy in all of this? You're mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just… If you marry someone where does that leave me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"If you end up with some grounder and start your own family…you can't be in two places at once. You can't be here with me running this camp and there with someone else being a wife and a mom."

"Bellamy…"

"Not to mention that no man would ever be okay with his wife having a relationship with a man the way you and I do. We're too close."

"My getting married wouldn't change anything."

"Of course it would, don't be naive."

"What about you? What about one day when you fall in love? What happens then?"

"Oh princess, I have no intentions of marrying anyone." He's wearing that smile that usually indicates that he's joking but…Clarke's never been one to fall for that. She raises her eyebrows and smiles back.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you but…I will admit that I may…have overreacted a little bit."

"I should have told you. It won't happen again."

"Just in case it's unclear, I would never marry Ted."

"Good."

"And I don't know about the whole soul mate grounder theory. You're probably right. I doubt marriage is in the cards for me but if it is I'll end up with one of our own."

"Who are you gonna marry out there Princess?" he echoes her earlier words with a smirk.

She smiles and shakes her head. "I'll see you tonight for guard assessment."

He stares after her and somehow…this feels like a win.


	4. 7

_(7) What's with the tears? (aka the one where Bellamy leaves the first time)_

She had actually, seriously considered hiding from him that day.

Everyone was gathered at the gates, bunched together, saying goodbyes, crying and laughing, holding desperately to the little families they had created.

Clarke has been sitting in the med tent since dawn. First, she decides to repack the medical kit that she had organized for them the night before. Then she realizes the seaweed would keep better if she wrapped the individual strands in cloth rather than bunching them together. After that a boy comes in with a small burn, and Clarke spends forty minutes explaining to him the different classifications of burns, how to identify them, and how to treat them before covering his wound in a soothing balm and sending him on his way. She has repacked the kit twice more before eating a small lunch and then repacking it one more time just to see if she could fit in another roll of bandages. And then, just as she is planning to sneak out to the meadow just beyond their new camp walls, Raven shows up. Her arms are crossed and her eyebrows are raised. She would probably have her hip popped out in that "don't give me any of your shit Clarke" pose of hers, but she was still struggling to get used to keeping her balance with that new brace on her leg.

"Oh Clarke, good you're finished with the med kit!" she says as she reaches over to snatch it out of Clarke's grasp.

"Well, I did want to try to add another…"

Raven shakes her head "No, they're about to leave. Let's go."

"I don't need you to talk to me like I'm a child."

"Clarke, I'm trying to help you. If you don't go out there you'll never forgive yourself."

It feels like every organ in Clarke's body drops because she's right….she's really right and it was so stupid to think that she wouldn't have to face this, like Bellamy wouldn't have come and found her if she'd stayed another ten minutes anyway. But even though she knows she has to face this, and she's faced horrible things before, she still needs Raven to take a threatening step towards her (it was more like a stumble but Jesus the girl had a bullet pulled out of her, it may have been two years ago but Clarke knows it's a miracle that she's even able to walk at all) to get her to stand and start walking out of the med tent and towards the main gate.

She catches Finn's eye first. He's leaning against the wall and watching everyone with a smile on his face. He's not going to fight (he still can't even look at a gun without getting lost in horrible memories), but he'll be helping them on their journey to join Lincoln's uncle's clan. He nods at her and she nods back, because that's just where they are now. It's getting better, and he's accepted that being friends is all she can offer him but its still strange to hang around someone that's seen you naked (Unless you're Bellamy or Raven who seem to think the fact that they slept together is funny more than anything.)

Raven leaves her side when she spots Miller, but she touches Clarke on the shoulder before she goes. Clarke reminds herself to check on her friend later, mostly because she knows Raven is furious with herself for not being able to go along. She is a fighter. She certainly doesn't belong here waiting.

As she walks she shakes as many of their hands as possible. She wishes them luck, pats them on the back, shoots sympathetic looks to friends and significant others who are struggling to keep the worry out of their eyes. 22 men and women of the remaining 100 were leaving them, Clarke prayed to every divine power she had ever heard about that all 22 would return. Bellamy had promised her they would, but Bellamy was just a man….though he forgets that sometimes.

She finds Bellamy with her eyes just as he is pulling Octavia to the side. Lincoln approaches her slowly, obviously trying to give the siblings some space. He's still not overly fond of Clarke but they've created a level of mutual respect. He looks less intimidating today, but she knows that's probably because the thought of leaving Octavia makes him want to crawl into a little ball and cry like a baby….and that's a mental picture Clarke never thought she'd have.

"Thank you for the medical supplies." He says, and Clarke rips her eyes away from the Blakes to nod at him.

"It was the least I could do."

"We'll have good healers where we're going," Lincoln adds "but every little thing counts."

"It's best to be overly prepared." Clarke agrees.

Lincoln just nods and looks back over to see if Octavia has finished. She's got her arms wrapped around Bellamy in a way that looks almost painful. She keeps shaking her head. Bellamy is trying to make her understand. Clarke has already heard that speech.

"I'll watch out for her." She says suddenly to Lincoln "I know she doesn't need it, but I will. I just…thought you'd like to know that she has friends here."

He almost smiles and she can appreciate that.

"Your people are strong." He says "Stronger than I ever expected."

She assumes he's trying to reassure her, so she gives him the same half smile that he gave her and turns just in time to see Bellamy and Octavia break apart. Her face is already stained with tears. Clarke tries not to look at her, or at Bellamy. She can feel the familiar prickling behind her eyes. She takes a deep breath and tries to think like a leader, a diplomat, a woman who is here to see her people off and wish her partner the best of luck. But this …this isn't that easy. She's never had to lead by herself. Her people are still young, so, so young, certainly not prepared for a war and Bellamy….is her partner but she's not naive enough to think that giving him a composed and diplomatic goodbye is anywhere in the realm of possibility.

Lincoln walks away from her to comfort Octavia and Clarke gets approximately six seconds of silence before Bellamy is in front of her. That brave face of his is slipping, obviously exhausted from the conversation with his little sister. He looks the same way that she feels: like it would probably be easier just to skip the goodbyes but how could she live with herself if she did.

"I packed the med kit," she says and she turns her head because for some reason that sentence is the one that makes her start to cry. "Lincoln has it. It's not much, but it should be enough for your trip. There will be other healers where you're going so…"

"Where have you been all day?"

God his voice.

She still won't look at him, but she can feel that a tear has escaped. It's running down her cheek and she knows he notices it before she can distract him with an answer. "I was packing the med kit…and then Kelvin came in with a burn so ….I had to help him. I was busy."

"Clarke,"

She turns to him on instinct, because he's using the voice that he uses when they have their nightly discussions about the hundreds of things that could kill them on a daily basis. The things she'll have to deal with on her own now. So yes, she lets herself look at him and some horrible, dramatic part of her wonders if that will be the last time she ever hears him say her name. The thought makes her sick. Bellamy won't break that promise. He'll come back. Unfortunately her eyes don't quite seem to believe what her brain is saying because her vision is blurry now, her cheeks hot from trying to hold it in.

"What's with the tears?" he asks the question with a smile, and Clarke tries desperately to return it.

"Don't be stupid, what tears?" she wipes them away with her hands. "So are you all ready to go?" Her voice cracks, more tears leak out, and he flinches.

"We talked about this Princess."

"We talked about what?"

"Fuck, come here." he grabs her wrist and pulls her to him, wrapping his arms around her so that all she can feel is safe, and warm, and Bellamy. She's glad he did it because no one will be surprised to see them hugging, but she really didn't want anyone to see her crying like an irrational child…..or a scared little princess with a broken heart. "You're gonna be okay." He whispers to her "You've got Raven and Monroe, you keep doing things the way you've been doing them Clarke and everything will be fine. You can do this."

She nods against him, but he must be able to feel her tears through his shirt because he holds her tighter. "I need you to calm down because you need to be strong for them okay? And ….I can't…I need you to be strong for me too."

She takes a deep breath and lets his words sink in.

"You trust me don't you?" he asks "You believe me when I say I'm coming back."

"Yeah."

"Okay good." She thinks she feels him kiss the top of her forehead, but she's so focused on trying to stop crying that she doesn't even really care. Eventually she pulls herself away from him, he's looking at her with the understanding and faith he always has in his eyes, well lately at least. No one could deny that as partners they had a bit of a rocky start, but they've grown so much since then. She relies on him now, not just to keep the camp in order, but to keep herself in order. They keep each other balanced. He's her best friend, her right hand man, her family in a place where she didn't think she had anybody. He's a good man and as much as she hates what had to be done, she knows that he's doing the right thing. So because he's worked so hard, because he's come so far, because everyone he's ever cared about has left him alone in one way or another she wipes the rest of the tears from her eyes and tells him what he deserves to hear.

"I love you Bellamy."

And it's not romantic, but it's not exactly platonic either. She's not confessing her love for him or even claiming to be _in_ love with him because neither of them have the time or energy for that right now. She's simply telling him something he probably already knows. They did love each other. How could they not? In a way it was no different than how Bellamy loved Octavia or Monty loved Jasper, but then again it was completely different. Their relationship was entirely their own. They were a pair. They had been by each other's side since escaping from Mount Weather and hadn't spent more than a few days apart since that first separation, when she thought he was dead. It's very complicated, but it's so simple at the same time and she knows Bellamy gets it because all he does is nod and smile.

"Love you too Clarke."

It sounds like friendship and family and something permanent. It makes her start to cry all over again.

She hugs him this time and he leans his head down to rest on her shoulder. He's scared too. He doesn't have much experience dealing with grounders without having Clarke with him. She can practically feel the weight of the world on his shoulders when he takes a deep breath. "Try to keep Octavia out of trouble." He finally says.

"No promises."

He pulls away and looks at her. "If I can find a way to get a message here…to let you know we're okay. I'll do it."

She nods "Eight weeks right?"

"I hope so."

"Be careful what they eat, we don't know what's growing out there. The last thing you need is some berry that knocks them unconscious. And make sure Jace Mitchell keeps that ankle wrapped, he's lucky I'm even letting him go."

"Right. I already told the hunting parties not to go after boar, but make sure you reiterate that. I'm taking most of our good shots and those things are too big for people to be fucking around. And I'd cut the moonshine ration back. A lot of people are going to be hurting and I don't think you want drunken chaos."

"No, you're right. I'll let Monty know. Did they pack enough food for you?"

"Yeah, just enough for us to carry along. We'll try to hunt in the morning. Did you figure out who skipped out on their guard shift yester…"

"Oh yeah, yeah I meant to tell you it was just a misunderstanding."

"Good, if anyone gives you shit about being on latrine duty, write their fucking names down and I'll deal with them when I get back. And don't buy that "it makes me so sick I can't eat for days" bullshit. They're always trying to manipulate you…"

"I never fall for it Bellamy."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just…" he takes a deep breath "Promise me that you'll sleep at least six hours every day, that you'll eat , and drink, and ask for help in the med bay if you need it."

"Don't patronize me.."

"I'm not. I just don't want you to worry."

"Of course I'm going to worry, don't be an idiot."

"I need you to take care of yourself just in case.."

"Stop!" she holds her hands up "Don't bring this up again. We already had this horrible talk and you promised me you'd be back. Please just don't go there right now."

"Okay, you're right." He holds his hands up "I'm just…."

"Stalling?"

He smirks because he's always said that she can read him like a fucking book.

"Yeah."

"We don't have to actually say it if you don't want to."

"Bellamy?" Lincoln interrupts with a small cough "We should leave soon if we want to make it to the rally point by dark." Octavia is hanging onto Lincoln's arm. She's stopped crying, but she still looks small. So unlike the warrior Octavia has become. She reaches over and grabs Bellamy's hand. He nods and looks back at Clarke. She can see the word forming on his tongue and she realizes that she doesn't want to hear it. It sounds cold and final and horrible. So she picks up her arm and looks down at her watch.

"Alright Blake you're on the clock. Eight weeks, and go!"

He smiles at her and then closes his eyes and lets go of his sisters hand. Lincoln kisses Octavia's cheek and steps towards the gates to rally the troops. Bellamy turns around without another glance at them. Clarke can't blame him, and anyway she's seen his eyes enough to remember what they look like. She watches as 22 of her people leave camp. Bellamy takes the lead and disappears into the tree line faster than she expected. She tries to trick herself into thinking that it's just another hunting trip and he'll be back by nightfall, but those kinds of tricks never work. She cries quietly out of sadness, and worry, and frustration and she's really, really glad when Octavia stands next to her and takes her hand. She always feels better with a Blake at her side.


	5. 12

_(12) Are You Living Here? (aka the one that smells like lavender)_

Things are going well.

It's been three weeks since a massive storm blew through and caused a fuck load of damage. Surprisingly everyone's been doing exactly what Bellamy's been telling them to do to straighten shit out. Beautiful weather, productivity, good morale, it's been like living in someone else's life. Bellamy has always been naturally suspicious of a series of fortunate events. He's been far too busy anticipating disaster to really enjoy the quiet. Clarke keeps calling him on that.

_Just stop obsessing, it's like you want something terrible to happen._

Truth is, he just doesn't know how to _not_ worry about terrible things. Since the day Octavia was born he's been a worrier and since they stepped off of that drop ship three years ago terrible things had been happening nearly every fucking day. Clarke was obviously the optimist of the pair, but he's been trying at least.

He spends the afternoon sitting by the fire, talking to whomever passes by, eating a stew that actually tastes like it's made of meat and vegetables and not old boiled socks. He doesn't think about the trees around the perimeter of the camp he and Clarke had decided needed to come down in case there was another windstorm, or the shortage of turkey's in the area as of late. He looks at the sky as it changes colors and isn't planning the next day, organizing hunting parties in his head, or calculating how much amo they had to work with before they needed to arrange another trip out to that bunker over the mountain. He's not worrying about Octavia and wherever she may be with that boyfriend of hers or whether Clarke has bothered to take a break from patching up scrapped knees to eat a decent meal that day. He's in an unfamiliar mood, it feels almost like being content, like maybe this will actually work and he's not as fucked as he always thought he was. He'd probably be smiling if he didn't think it would freak everyone out.

"Hey Bellamy," a boy sits down next to him, obviously taking advantage of his good mood to ask something that would have otherwise made him very nervous (he can tell by the kid's fidgeting hands) "My tent's got a wicked tear in it, from the storm you know….the weathers been real nice so it hasn't been a problem but…if it rains…"

"I thought we took inventory of all damaged tents right after the storm?"

"Well yeah…I mean it wasn't bad right after it happened, but from opening the flap and…it's just gotten worse."

Bellamy puts his bowl down and wipes his hands on his pants "I'm sure Siena could mend it, she fixed up Miller's pretty well."

"Yeah, yeah I could ask her." The kid nods, but he's obviously not done talking "But uh…I mean I know some people aren't using their tents anymore…when they start staying with someone else."

"So ask around."

"Well that's what I was wondering, has Clarke given hers to anyone else?"

Bellamy blinks and then shakes his head as if that would make the kid's question any less ridiculous. "What?"

"I was just wondering if Clarke has given her old tent to someone."

"Clarke got a new tent?"

The kid is staring. He looks confused, almost like Bellamy is trying to play a joke on him.

When he speaks again it's slower. It sounds calculated and cautious. "I guess I just assumed she wasn't using it. People have been saying…"

"People have been saying what?"

"Just that she hasn't been staying in her tent. I don't know."

He does know, but Bellamy isn't going to push it. Honestly, she's been spending a lot of time in his tent…a lot of nights…in a regrettably platonic way of course… and the rest of them would have to be blind not to have noticed it but that certainly doesn't mean that she forfeits rights to her own tent. He doesn't want to ruin his mood by yelling at the kid, so he just stands up and shakes his head. "You'll have to ask Clarke, but as far as I know her tent is still occupied."

The weird thing though, which he realizes as he starts walking off to find Clarke to tell her about the kid's dumbass question, is that looking for her at her tent doesn't even really cross his mind. Of course that's probably because it's barely dark and this time everyday she's usually just finishing up in medbay or hunting him down to bitch about something. So he ends up at his own tent. When he turns around to face the rest of camp he can still see the kid on the log where he had been sitting, staring down at the ground as if weighing the benefits of asking for his tent to be mended or growing the balls to ask Clarke for hers. Fucking ridiculous is what it is, these kids make the most asinine assumptions sometimes. Acting like her tent is vacant because she hasn't slept there for a few nights. Although…..it's been at least a week since he's slept alone right? Or actually…he can't really think of the last time he slept without Clarke. Granted, that didn't exactly mean much since the nights just seemed to run together and sometimes it didn't even feel like time was passing down here. But it's definitely safe to say that she's with him most nights doing infuriating things like pressing herself against him in her sleep and allowing him to wrap his arm around her waist, and letting her lips brush his skin when she finally gives in and starts using him as a pillow like she always does. It had started as a one night thing….and then a few days at a time kind of thing…and now it's just…the way things are. It's fine really, it's okay because it's comforting and they both need to feel like they aren't alone. They're stuck in this weird ass limbo where he fucking knows she's into him and he can't stop thinking about her, but they're both so used to life as platonic political partners that anything more seems dangerous and stupid. He wants her around and that's just the way it is.

She's on the ground when he walks into his tent, bent over a faded page of a children's activity book they'd found in a bunker last month. She's sketching flowers again, really intricate ones with petals that look like they're actually coming off the page and sometimes Bellamy thinks if she could only color them in they'd be prettier that the actual thing. She sketches flowers when she's happy. The small pile of similar pages on his table is growing every day. In fact, there' a lot more of her drawings on that table than he remembers. Usually it's covered in old maps and those fucking woodchips, but it's like she's made her own little corner: her stack of sketches, Lincoln's notebook, the little handbook from an old first aid kit that was barely legible, the list of healers in surrounding grounder clans that she's definitely memorized by now. It's all neatly stacked and sitting next to the broken clay cup that held her only two pencils and a pen that had never had enough ink to write with (she must have kept it for sentimental reasons he assumes).

The problem is that she brings shit over here and then keeps forgetting to take it back. That's why he trips over her boots at night and those weird fur slippers the river clan had given her every morning. That's why her jacket usually laid on the crate he kept his clothes in, even when she should be wearing it. That's why her side of the bed is covered with two extra pelts and a pillow made of actual feathers (she claimed his bedding wasn't comfortable enough, which fueled his princess jokes for almost a week). Her jar of moonshine sits half full under the table, he knew it was hers because he'd drained his in a moment of weakness during the storm. The tins of soaps and lotions and whatever the hell else Monty cooked up and Clarke agreed to test sit in a basket near the flap of the tent, where Bellamy used to keep his own boots. She's draped an old scrap of blanket (another score from pillaging bunkers) over top of it. They use it as a towel when they take trips down to the river to bathe. He always forgets the basket when it's his turn, so he usually comes back smelling like river water and sand but Clarke never seems to mind. She hangs the towel outside until it dries and then drapes it back over the basket. He'll always forget it though because he'll be damned if Miller and Murphy and the rest of the guys see him carrying a basket of lavender oils and mint soap. It's really….it's a lot of stuff actually.

He raises his eyebrows as he looks around. If she's noticed him, she hasn't said anything. He's counting, searching, trying to find even a corner that she's left untouched: sketches, books, moonshine, slippers, boots, jacket, blankets, pillow, flowery little fucking basket.

"Are you living here?"

The question flies out of his mouth before he can even stop it. Clarke jumps, but he's not sure if it's his voice or the words that scare her.

"What?" she asks.

He does one more sweep with his eyes before asking again, this time trying to sound more curious than shocked. "Are you living here?"

"I…living here?" she stands up and he can tell she's uncomfortable. "No, I mean…I thought we were just…I stay here sometimes."

"Right." He nods, but he continues to look around at everything. It's not long before she starts to follow his eyes. "That's what I thought." He says.

She looks embarrassed, and that's super annoying because he didn't intend for this to turn into an argument and that's usually the direction conversations head in when Clarke gets embarrassed.

"I'll just, get all this stuff together." She grabs her jacket from the crate and he sighs as loud as he possibly can.

"Clarke don't do this, I didn't ask you to leave."

She shakes her head "It's not a big deal Bellamy, I just didn't realize…how much I'd brought over." She picks up the stupid fur slippers and he wants to knock them out of her hand.

"I only said something because one of the kids asked about your tent."

"My tent?"

"His has a tear in it and apparently he believes that you're no longer using yours so he wanted to ask if he could have it."

She shakes her head and sits down on his bed "They've noticed. That means there's probably rumors going around. No one is going to believe that we're just sleeping in here."

He wants to tell her that it's really not _just _sleeping when you spend the whole night completely intertwined with the other person, but he's more focused on keeping her from playing the blame game and vowing never to spend another night in his tent.

"It's going to have to stop." She says as she stands again.

"Clarke…"

"Look, I don't want it too…but it's like you've always said, this," she gestures between them "in here is different than what it needs to be out there. They still need us to lead."

"And that means that we can't…"

"Yeah. It does."

They only reason he doesn't get frustrated is because she looks so sad….and because he sees a lot of logic in what she's saying. If they think he and Clarke are a thing, they'll start questioning them, complaining, using the fact that they're "fucking" as an excuse to disagree with them and act like their being persecuted. Maybe one day, when everyone is older and things are more permanent, there would be a possibility for a life for them without whispers, but for now it wasn't in the cards. Clarke was right.

She grabs her blankets off the bed and folds them over her arm.

Then again, maybe these kids need to learn to mind their own goddamn business. He and Clarke are adults….a lot of the 100 are approaching adulthood, it may not be as bad as he thought. Today was the first he'd heard of it at all and it wasn't exactly a complaint.

"Clarke, what if…"

She shakes her head and walks over to the table to get her sketches. "It'll be fine." She says "I'm sure you'd love a little bit of privacy for once."

No, not really. But she's trying to keep this from turning into a fight. He has to respect that. She's obviously just as pissed as he is, but she's thinking like a leader. When her arms are full of her belongings she stands at the flap of the tent. Its awkward because it's not really a goodbye, but it's a something….it's definitely the end of something. She's struggling to say anything so he plops down on his bed and decides to resort to humor.

"Damn Clarke, we didn't even think about who gets the towel." He says it in such a serious voice that he can see her running his words through her brain a few times before she cracks a smile. "You can have it, we have a few extra in the med tent."

He nods and tries to keep his own smile on his face. "You take the basket."

"Really Bellamy, it's just soap…it's not going to make you any less of a man if you smell a little bit like…"

"Just take the basket."

She sighs and picks it up, placing her books and sketches on top of the soaps and tossing him their towel…which is now his.

Later that night, after she's left and he's laid down to try and fall asleep, he laughs out loud because despite his greatest efforts to avoid smelling like lavender there's no way that he doesn't, not when the entire bed seems to smell like her. Surely that had to rub off on him a little bit. Maybe that's part of the reason people seem to think she's…

"Bellamy."

He shoots straight up and looks around in the darkness. He recognizes her outline only because he's so used to the ridiculous bun she piles her hair into before she goes to bed.

"Clarke, what are you…"

"I realized I forgot to tell you something."

"Okay? And it couldn't wait until morning?"

"I…I guess it can. I…"

He knows she's about to turn and leave so he leans forward and grabs her arm "What is it?"

"Keller, he said he saw a turkey this morning from the wall."

He almost laughs "A turkey?"

"Yeah, and you kept going on and on about how you hadn't seen one around here since before the storm so I…WHOA…"

He smiles and wraps his other arm around her waist to pull her into the bed.

"Bellamy what are you doing?"

She's not struggling against him, he loosens his hold on her just to make sure, so it's easy to pull her under his blanket and against his side. "Going to sleep." He mumbles into her hair.

She tries to make that little satisfied sigh that sneaks out of her sound like a snort "We talked about this, I can't…."

"But you are, so don't you think that that means you don't really care what they think?"

"We're not even doing anything."

"Right."

"So, really there's nothing for them to even think about."

"Uh huh."

She starts moving around, he feels her feet pulling at the end of the blanket, the one with the hole in it. He knows what's coming.

"I don't have my pillow, and this…stupid blanket and it's stupid hole."

He pulls her further on top of him so her head rests on his chest and her legs are intertwined with his own. "Shut up Princess."

She's quiet, but he can tell that she's probably smiling.

"Turkeys." He whispers to himself with a laugh.

She elbows him in the gut. "This is okay though isn't it?" she asks.

He closes his eyes. Every once in a while he gets the urge to tell Clarke how much she means to him. They usually save I love you's , for days when they may not come back alive, but neither had dared say it to the other recently. Even when Bellamy had ran out into the storm to make sure the tree that had fallen didn't kill anyone. Clarke had just gripped his arm and stared at him, and he knew, but she couldn't say it. She couldn't say it and he couldn't either because it meant something different now. There were more feelings to complicate things. But he wanted to say it then, because she had walked across camp, in the dark, with that ridiculous hair-do, pretending to want to talk about turkeys, just because she knew she'd end up in his arms. He loved everything about her.

"Yeah Clarke, this is okay."


	6. 2

_(2) Do You Love Him?(aka the one with Clarke's grounder boyfriend…or whatever he is)_

They never talk about their love lives with each other. Ever.

That's not to say that what Bellamy had was actually a love life, rather than a string of random hookups and a lot of not so secret admirers, but Clarke, when she had something romantic going on in her life, tried very hard to keep it out of their conversational arsenal.

Since Lincoln had introduced them to his extended family after their relocation, Clarke had been very taken with the grounder's younger cousin, Kennedy. He wasn't nearly as big or intimidating as Lincoln, his skin was lighter and his hair was longer but they had the same dark eyes. Kennedy was a medic in his father's army. He never discussed his job with her, neither Clarke nor Bellamy even knew how many men were in this army and probably wouldn't until they agreed to be a part of it, but he was very interested in learning everything that she knew. So when they'd come and visit, Kennedy would stay a few extra days and help Clarke in the medtent.

She's sure that Bellamy noticed the time she'd been spending with the man, but the knowing little smirks and comments about "prince charming" didn't start until Octavia started making wedding jokes. And it was even worse when she blushed the second the words left the younger girl's mouth.

Kennedy made her smile in a way that no one else ever had (you know…besides Finn). He was smart and handsome and she learned so much about grounder culture from the conversations they had. Part of her knew that it was not the right time be worried about a romantic relationship. Things were still awkward with Finn, the camp was being rebuilt, the mountain men were a constant threat, but it was nice to have something pleasant in her life.

"So can we meet tonight or does the Princess have a date with Prince Charming?" Bellamy asks her every time Kennedy comes to visit. They get along, as far as Clarke has seen, but Bellamy still has his reservations about trusting grounders, and he doesn't seem too fond of the idea of her having a romantic relationship with one.

"Stop looking at me like I'm a traitor Bellamy, we're just going for a walk."

"Take Miller with you."

"No."

"Take a gun at least."

"See you tomorrow."

It went on like that for a few months. Once, Kennedy kissed her during a snow storm. It was sweet and all, but it was also chaste and a little awkward. Plus Jasper and Monty followed her around making kissing noises for two days until Bellamy caught them and they had to explain why and his face literally lit up with all the potential torments he must have been thinking of.

"_What was that rhythm about sitting in a tree?"_

It wasn't often that Bellamy Blake acted like a child, but when he did, _Dear God…_

Kennedy started holding her hand more, and bringing her gifts. She tried to ask Lincoln if she should give him something in return but Octavia overheard and the sexual innuendos chased Lincoln from the tent so fast that Clarke barely saw him leave.

And then, of course, one day it all came crashing down. As it turns out Lincoln's uncle's clan (who lived on a mountain range that has once been known as the Smokey Mountains) had very strict traditions when it came to relationships. The gift giving, the visits, the walks were all part of the courting ritual his people used to see if a man and a woman would make a good match. After that there would be meetings with their council, some sort of marriage ceremony that Clarke had never heard the details of, and of course whatever form of happily ever after you could find in a place like this.

When Lincoln told her all of this, she felt so uncomfortable she couldn't look him in the eye. She didn't want to get married. That was the problem with the Smokies's rituals – they just assumed that the woman would want to marry. Eventually, yeah maybe but right now? Clarke was barely twenty years old. She had a community to lead and a camp to rebuild and kids to keep from falling apart. Kennedy was great, and if it would just slow down she'd probably be really excited by the prospect of marrying him….but not for a long time.

As it turns out Clarke realizes she doesn't have to worry about Kennedy anymore when he comes for a visit about six months after they first met. She can tell something is different from the minute he steps into the medtent. His smile is tight and forced. He doesn't embrace her or grab her hand, he simply nods and clears his throat. Monty and Jasper, who were standing around gossiping, take that as their cue to leave. When they're alone Kennedy's smile fades into a frown and he stands rigid in a way she's never seen before.

"Clarke, I'm afraid that whatever there was between us must end."

"Oh," she says "I..um…"

"You are a very intelligent woman and a wonderful healer, but I must always put my own people first. Certain things are expected of me, so as much as I enjoy spending time with you I think it's best that we remain strictly allies. I hope you understand."

She's shocked, really confused, and kind of hurt but nods her head anyway because if she's learned anything from her time on Earth it's never to show weakness to a grounder. Kennedy leaves not long after that. Monty and Jasper reappear only minutes after. They are acting so awkward that she's sure they stayed behind to eavesdrop. She doesn't really care. She doesn't want to think about it. So she focuses on sterilizing the equipment she used to pull a six inch splinter out of a boy's knee that morning. And then Octavia is there and she's dragging Lincoln behind her and she looks kind of angry so Clarke assumes that she knows more about what Kennedy was talking about than she does. She pushes Lincoln onto the cot closest to Clarke and snaps her fingers like a queen( Monty and Jasper leave the tent mumbling about being treated like dogs).

"Tell her." She says furiously to Lincoln, who actually looks angrier with his girlfriend than Clarke has ever seen him.

"Octavia this is not…"

"Lincoln knows why Kennedy broke up with you."

Clarke pales "We weren't really together…I mean you can't really call it breaking up if we aren't together."

"Tell her what you did."

"I was just looking out for my family." He snaps back "_you_ of all people should understand that."

"Wait…what is going on?" Clarke asks "What do you mean you were just looking after your family?"

Lincoln doesn't say anything so Octavia sighs.

"Kennedy dumped you because this idiot told him you had sex with Finn."

Her whole body goes numb, a cold feeling of dread seeping over her like someone had poured water over her head. "What?"

Lincoln is glaring at Octavia, but she doesn't seem to care, she rattles on without even glancing at him "Apparently the _Smokies_ don't believe in having sex before your married so Kennedy won't marry a woman whose not a virgin."

"It's not that simple." Lincoln says in a defensive voice.

"Then explain it to her because she deserves to know!"

"It's nothing personal Clarke but it is their belief that a healthy marriage and successful childbearing can only occur when both partners have had no other than each other. They're struggling to repopulate, just like everyone else and they believe that if a woman has slept with a man other than her husband than they will be cursed with infertility or tragedy. It's their culture, their form of population control, it's what they've been doing for years."

"It's bullshit." Octavia says.

"You shouldn't judge them. There are many differences between your people and mine, and my people and the others, that's just the way it is."

"So you…told Kennedy about me and Finn?"

"Kennedy is important to the structure of their clan. He needs to marry and reproduce to protect the family line. He was taking a big risk by courting a sky person, if the council had ever found out that you weren't a…. virgin when you two married he would have been banished."

Clarke stares at him, and she doesn't know what to feel. She's disgusted and completely embarrassed and some irrational part of her brain feels like she's being made out like a slut even though all she did was sleep with one boy she thought she was in love with. Its archaic and insulting but Lincoln is right, she has no right to judge. But that doesn't mean she can't be pissed about it.

"Could you two…I just want to be alone."

"Clarke we just…"

"Octavia, seriously not now. Please go."

They leave and Clarke sits and stews in her anger until the boy from earlier comes back with another splinter and she finds herself lecturing him furiously for almost an hour about carelessness and responsibility. He runs out of the medtent without even a thank you when she's finished and somehow that just seems to add fuel to her fire.

She finds Monty, who is working on fucking Moonshine recipes again, now that they're growing potatoes and corn. He should be sorting through the foliage samples the hunting party gathered yesterday trying to see if anything is useful. She tells him this in a loud voice that sounds pretty much like she's yelling at him. He drops the jar he'd been holding and it shatters. Clarke loses her patience and storms from his tent.

Raven is walking across camp when Clarke sees her. _Walking. _Her leg is barely functional and she's actually walking across camp. Clarke steps in her path and warns her about over doing it. She thinks that she sounds concerned, but Raven raises her eyebrows at her and she knows it just sounds like she's bossing the girl around. But it's true, she's lucky she even survived and it's fucking stupid for her to just be wandering around when she can hardly hold herself up. She tells her so and Raven looks like she might hit her. Thankfully Miller comes over, Clarke tells him to shave and then storms away from the pair without another word.

She needs to get out. She needs to go sit in the woods and the quiet for a moment. She can't even hear the sounds of her own thoughts over the hum of giggling and cursing and axes chopping. She just wants to be alone so she can think about all the bullshit with Kennedy and move on, but everyone seems to have other ideas. Two girls come up to her and ask her about dry skin. She tries to answer calmly but really why the fuck are they worried about dry skin? So she takes a deep breath and excuses herself before she says something else she doesn't mean. She's not being herself. She needs to get away, to be alone.

"Hey Clarke!"

Her eyes widen and she turns around to see Finn's smile They had been getting along, but that doesn't mean that she wants to see his stupid face right now.

"So I may have gotten bitten by some insect. I don't think it's poisonous because you know…I'm not dead but I thought maybe you could look at it?"

"Where did you get bit?"

"Oh, right here on my…" he starts to lift his shirt and she puts her hand up.

"No, no, no I meant _where_ like where were you?"

"Oh…yeah…I was."

"Out for a little walk again? Rules just don't apply to you? Never have and never will right?"

He looks shocked. She really doesn't care. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Me? Oh I'm fine. I'm great. Just living with my life choices, just like you will. Come see me if you start to vomit or pass out but otherwise you deal with it yourself."

"Clarke, obviously something is wrong…."

"I don't need this right now Finn. If it's still bothering you tomorrow come find me. But for right now please just leave me alone." She walks away from him but calls over her shoulder "And stay inside the fucking walls or I swear to God I'll have Bellamy on you so quick you won't even see it coming."

She knows that'll piss him off. Good.

She's been casually screaming at people all day. Only snapping out of it when the occasional person asks her if she's okay, and then she takes a deep breath and nods and asks to be left alone. She's stitching up a kids busted knee when Bellamy comes to her. He must hear her tell the boy that he's lucky he isn't losing his leg and that axes aren't toys. She doesn't say it in the kind maternal way she usually does, it sounds more like something that would come out of Bellamy's mouth, and would result in her punching him in the arm.

"Clarke, we need to talk."

"I'm busy."

"When you're done."

"I'm busy when I'm done."

She won't hold back on Bellamy. He can take it, he'll understand when she finally tells him, and better yet he'll give it right back to her. She should have went and started an argument with him hours ago.

"Wilson," he says to the kid when Clarke has bandaged his knee "go get some dinner kid, try to keep off that knee as much as possible tonight." He nods and runs past Bellamy before Clarke can say a word.

"Don't give my patients advice Bellamy you aren't a Doctor."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

She rolls her eyes and starts to sterilize her hands.

"Octavia came to see me earlier, and then Monty, Raven, Miller, six or seven kids who seemed to think you were about to go on a killing spree. You've been walking around here like a psychopath what is going on?"

"Nothing." She says it slowly, like she's talking to a child because she knows that irritates him.

"You know that I already know right?"

"Get out."

"Your grounder boyfriend broke up with you and now you're going to make everyone else suffer…"

"You don't know what you're talking about. I'm in a bad mood alright? I'm allowed to be in a bad mood."

"I'm not doing this with you. If you keep talking to people the way you have today there's going to be a problem."

"Don't fucking threaten me Bellamy." She snaps at him like she never has before and it's the first twinge of regret she feels all day. He must see it on her face because he doesn't get angry. He pursues his lips and sits down on a cot.

"We're partners Clarke, so I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong. You're not being yourself and I don't need a psycho running around my camp."

"I thought you said Octavia told you…"

"She said there were personal things that she couldn't tell me. Which is new for her."

Clarke takes a deep breath and sits down. "We don't need to do this Bellamy. I'm fine. I'll apologize to everyone and I'll…."

"Did you love him?"

"Did I love him?"

"Yeah, were you in love with the kid?"

For a moment her mind is embarrassingly confused about who him is…the one she slept with…or the one that won't be with her because of it. The funny part about it is that it doesn't really matter because the answer is easy…..for both of them.

"No." she says "No, I didn't. I don't."

"Then what is all this for Clarke? Why is this such a big deal to you?"

"Because! Because…just forget it okay? It's not like I actually wanted to marry him, I'm just…pissed. I'm being ridiculous. It's not a big deal."

Bellamy looks at her and he knows she's lying. He narrows his eyes "What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything."

"Why did he break if off?"

"We weren't even really together."

"Don't bullshit me princess."

"It's not a break up if you weren't actually together."

"Clarke."

"So, it's not even something that's important enough for a discussion."

"Just tell me."

"No."

"You want to tell me, I can see it."

"You can't see anything. I don't want to talk about this. Least of all with you."

"Come on,"

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Clarke."

"Fine, you know what? Fine. He doesn't want our relationship to move forward because of his … clan's traditions."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"He can't marry me."

"Because you're not a grounder?"

"No because…because I'm not a virgin."

Bellamy doesn't say anything, she figures he's giving her time to explain further…or time for the furious blush on her face to fade.

"Lincoln says that Kennedy's people believe that a man marrying a woman who isn't a virgin will prevent him from having a child. He would have been banished if his council found out so…Lincoln told him."

"How the fuck did Lincoln know?"

"Octavia."

"Her mouth, I swear to God."

"So Kennedy told me we'd be better off as allies, which is fine. Really it's fine. I just…don't like to be reminded of my past mistakes and I certainly don't like the idea of them impacting my future."

"I can understand that."

"I'll apologize to everyone. I shouldn't have gotten so upset…it's stupid really now that I say it out loud."

"If you weren't even in love with him there's really no reason to be upset Princess."

"Well I don't really like the idea of grounders discussing my sex life."

He thinks for a minute "Yeah, neither do I. I think Lincoln and I need to have a little chat."

"Bellamy don't…"

"I don't want things like this to happen again. I'm sure there'll be plenty more coming around bringing you flowers and holding your hand but the next Prince Charming isn't going to turn you into a lunatic."

"I really am sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me. You might want to make Raven first on your list though."

"And Finn."

"Finn?"

"Ran into him at the absolute worst time." She sighs and sits down next to him.

"Everyone makes mistakes Clarke. We aren't like them, sex doesn't mean the same thing to us…"

"I know. It doesn't mean that I don't still feel a little embarrassed. I've slept with one guy and someone broke up with me because I'm too much of a …."

"Don't. That's not how it is and you know it."

"Yeah, I know."

Bellamy smiles at her and then stands up "Alright, I'll go gather everyone for your apology."

"Stop enjoying this."

He winks and then he's gone. Sure, she wants to throw something at him, but the urge isn't as strong. She has a mess to clean up now. Turns out Bellamy Blake is good for something more than being an emotional punching bag.


	7. 15

_(15) Do you think this is funny? (aka the one where Clarke definitely isn't a princess in bed)_

She wakes up to loud fumbling and furious cursing, which isn't that unusual for someone who spends almost all of her time with Bellamy Blake.

"You could be a little louder." She says through the blanket in her bitter morning voice.

He laughs from somewhere behind her and then her blanket is gone. She rolls onto her stomach to cover her nakedness and buries her face in the pillow. "Fuck you Bellamy."

"You know, I _really_ wish I had the time." She snorts because she can feel his eyes on her "but I've actually gotta be somewhere." He throws the blanket back over her, and she's not sure if it's for her benefit or his. She rolls over anyway and makes a point to bat her eyelashes at him in the way that always makes him laugh. It works because next thing she knows he's pretty much crushing her, laughing in her ear and kissing her neck as she tries half-heartedly to push him off. She can already tell this is going to be a good morning, those are pretty hard to come by in their world.

"Just gonna stay in bed all day princess?" he asks against her skin.

She grips his hair and pulls him up to make eye contact. "I am exhausted," she says slowly "because of _you_."

"Yeah, okay. You weren't into it at all, that's definitely how I remember it." He rolls his eyes.

"You're the one that took fourth shift guard duty. You can't come in here at 2 AM and wake me up and….Bellamy… you're not listening." His lips are moving down her chest, dragging the blanket away as he goes.

"You didn't have a single complaint last night." He says smugly "In fact, I'm half surprised Miller didn't rush in here with a gun, the way you were scre….."

"I was not!" she pushes him off of her and sits up "Hand me my shirt."

He stares at her "Say please."

She looks straight at him and bats her eyelashes again, this time in the way that definitely doesn't make him laugh "_Please_." She whispers, and that is how she remembers sounding last night, he must remember it too because his eyes darken and she can tell he's about to press her back down into the bed. "I'm serious Bellamy, I have to get up."

His mouth tilts up into that little sideways smirk of his that pretty much makes her lose feeling in her knees and she admires his naked torso as he stands up to grab her shirt and bra from the crate. He throws them at her with a wink.

"So what do you have planned for the morning?" she asks.

"Got two trees to cut up."

"So it'll be busy day for me then? Or are you actually going to pay attention to who is handling the axes."

"You're such a morning person."

"Yeah, yeah."

He starts to back up towards the tent flap "I'll try to come by med tent for lunch. Don't forget to talk to Raven about the solar panel thing."

He turns around to leave and Clarke's eyes bug out of her head. His entire back is covered with scratches, bright red standing out against his tan skin. She almost doesn't want to draw his attention to it because 1. She doesn't want to accept the fact that _she_ did that and 2. He'll be so fucking smug there'll be no living with him. Of course she has to say something because he's walking out of the tent without a shirt on and DEAR GOD NO.

"Uh Bellamy, aren't you forgetting something?"

He looks confused for a second and then he smiles, walks back towards the bed, and drops a kiss on her lips. She's paralyzed by the sweetness of the gesture for a second because she's still not totally used to Bellamy being like _this. _Then he's walking out again and she has to stop him.

"No, I was talking about a shirt actually."

He turns and raises his eyebrows. "I think I'll be okay without one."

"No."

"Clarke, it's gonna be a hundred fucking degrees today. I'm not wearing a shirt."

"You have to!"

"Uh oh, is some getting a little bit possessive?"

"Oh shut up, you can't go out with a shirt because…."

"Because what?"

She knows she's blushing, she can feel how hot her face is "Because of your back."

He knits his eyebrows together and reaches a hand behind him "My back? What's…Oh HOLY SHIT."

She covers her face with her hands as his smug laughter fills the tent. "How the fuck didn't I feel this this morning? Clarke this is….all the way down! Jesus…"

"Okay, I get it. Can you just put a shirt on."

"You tore me _up_ Princess."

"It's not funny."

"No, you're right it's fucking hot….and a little painful, ow."

She jumps out of the bed and goes over to the crate to find her pants "I can bring you some salve to put on so it doesn't bother you."

"Now do you believe me when I say you thoroughly enjoyed last night?"

"Can you please just put on a shirt?"

"No."

"Bellamy, everyone will see and….it'll be pretty obvious how they got there considering there aren't any cats in camp!"

He laughs "So what? You're afraid that everyone's gonna know you're not a timid little princess in bed?"

"Do you think this is funny? Is this some kind of joke to you?"

"Why are you getting so upset Clarke, it's couple of scratches. No one's gonna notice."

"And if they do? If they do notice?"

He looks a little angry now "Worried that they're gonna find out what we do in here? Because you're a little late for that."

"You know that's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"It's…I just….this isn't just about sex for me okay. I don't want anyone out there to think that I'm just…It doesn't exactly look…loving."

His face melts back into something more understanding as he walks over to her "You know that's not what this is to me either right?"

"I know…"

"No, I'm serious Clarke. It's not just sex. If you want me to wear a shirt I will but…this doesn't make it any less….loving."

She notices that he has just as hard of a time saying that word as she does…they'll have to work on that.

"I'm just…not okay with them knowing anything about what we do in here."

"Okay."

"It's between us."

"Fine."

"So," she reaches behind him and runs a hand down his back "I want to be the only one that knows these are here."

He smiles and tucks a stray hair behind her ear "How can I argue with that logic?"

They kiss until someone (Miller) yells something that sounds like "burning daylight captain!" and tosses a rock at the tent entrance.

"He's terrified to walk in here because of that last time…"

"Yeah. I remember."

He grabs his t-shirt from the crate and pulls it over his head. "So I'll see you this afternoon?"

"Yeah."

He looks at her at least twice more before he actually leaves.


	8. 3

**AN: Okay so all things considering, this story is becoming incredibly AU and it's driving me crazy because I've had a lot of these written for a while and the way Clarke and Bellamy are developing in the show…well it's definitely impacted my inspiration for this one. I don't want to stop though, I hate that they feel OOC but…..I'm just going to consider this a reality that could have been.**

**Also, this chapter does touch on the issue of suicide, I'm also going to post the next chapter (which is much more lighthearted) so please, if you're at all uncomfortable skip ahead.**

**Disclaimer: "Your song" belongs to Elton John, I just like the idea of it surviving as a lullaby.**

**As always, thank you for reading.**

* * *

><p><em>(3) Can I stay? (aka the one with your song)<em>

They can both feel it.

The failure that weighs down every step they take.

It feels this way every time they lose someone, because they are the leaders and they should have stopped it. Bellamy usually takes it the hardest. Clarke is still able to think clinically about things. He just feels like he should be able to save everyone.

They've lost two people since they relocated, in the aftermath of their escape from the mountain men and their tentative peace with the grounders. The second one, the one they had just finished burying, had been completely unexpected. A boy named Westley was unaccounted for at dinner. His friends hadn't seen him for hours. Clarke insists that they send out a search party. Bellamy is so annoyed by the lack of volunteers that he grabs the nearest kid with a gun and marches off to do it himself.

He finds him less than a mile from camp, along with the extra rope from the supply shed they'd been looking for that evening. The kid he'd brought with him starts puking. Bellamy tries not to seem insensitive and waits until he finishes to send him back to camp to get Clarke, some shovels, and anyone that claimed to be Westley's friend. Then he sits down in the grass and covers his hands with his face. He's smelt death before, he's seen it, he's caused it, but this was so much different. He was no expert, but it was pretty obvious that this kid had made the decision to die….like Charlotte had.

He hears people arrive behind him. A girl is sobbing. One of the boys asks if he should cut him down. Clarke puts her hand on Bellamy's shoulder to remind him that he's the one with the answers.

"Yeah." He says "We cut him down , dig a grave, it has to be deeper than before. We'll pile some rocks on top to keep animals out. Clarke…" he pulls her to the side. She's wearing that detached look of hers, like this is just another wound she's stitching up. He knows its bullshit. She feels the same way he does. She's always been better at hiding things.

"Can you examine him…make sure he did it himself?"

She nods and walks over to the tree. Bellamy oversees the grave. They don't speak again until the sun has set. Clarke carries a lantern and illuminates the area where Bellamy and two other boys are filling in dirt. She had to escort the girl back to camp. Apparently she'd started showing early signs of a panic attack and Clarke thought it best to get her as far away from the body as possible.

Bellamy understands, but he still has every intention of speaking to all of Westley's friends to figure out how the fuck it had come to this.

"This happened a lot on the Ark." Clarke says. Bellamy knows she's right because there were a few times he was called in to clean up the mess.

"It shouldn't happen down here." he says.

They finish the grave in silence.

The walk back to camp is strange, because he notices that he and Clarke's footsteps are perfectly in synch. They've yet to master the art of agreement, but he figures it's their differences that make them good leaders. Tonight though, they walk together as failures. As two people who didn't notice when one of their own needed help. They'd lost another one.

Clarke's skin is cold when her hand accidentally brushes against his. He sees her close her eyes every once in a while, like she's trying to convince herself not to get too upset. He's already given up that fight. You don't see something like what he just saw and get a good night's sleep. He's half tempted to ask her to stay in his tent for a while. Surely there are things they can work on, things they can plan, anything they can do to postpone those hours of horrible silence when he'll think about how lonely and scared that kid must have been. The funny thing is, he doesn't even have to ask.

They talk about preparations for the winter, potential meetings with the grounders, whether it was worth it to teach archery with the few bows they had, and the eventual construction of homes instead of tents. Some of it was so far off that it sounded more like dreams than reality, but neither of them care. Eventually they start talking about ridiculous things: Clarke wants to create a no-beard policy now that the boys of the 100 were becoming men, Bellamy wants to teach the masses a secret handshake to promote unity. They laugh for a while, even though they both feel guilty about it. Hours pass and their eyes start to droop.

"Shit, it's late." He says as he runs his hands over his face.

"Yeah." Clarke says, she stands but she looks at the entrance of the tent like hell was waiting for her on the other side.

"Bellamy?" her voice is small "Can I stay?"

He knows what it means. She's just as afraid of those quiet hours as he is. He nods without even a second thought. It's not that Clarke Griffin in his bed has never crossed his mind, but this is something different entirely. It's about support, not sex…and that's something Bellamy is unfamiliar with. But he kicks off his boots anyway, and she does the same. She falls onto his bed first, while he blows out the lantern and by the time he's at her side he notices that she's laying on his favorite pillow, and…well that's just annoying. So he slides his body next to hers and then lifts her shoulder so his arm can wrap around her. Her head leaves the pillow and ends up on his chest. A win, win really.

They're silent for a while. And then Clarke is humming. She does it sometimes, and it almost drives him crazy because he knows that he's heard the song before.

"What is that?" he asks through the darkness.

She's silent for a minute. "Old song. My Dad used to sing it."

"Do you know the words?"

She doesn't say yes, doesn't nod, but after a few deep breathes he hears her quietly whispering

_It may not be much but, it's the best I can do. My gift is my song and this one's for you. And you can tell everybody that this is your song. It may be quite simple but, now that it's done. I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world._

He could have fallen asleep listening to her. It was the perfect distraction, but he can feel her breathing getting uneasy. She's not winning her battle. Thinking about her father probably didn't help things. He doesn't know what to say so he holds her closer and leans his head on hers and it's not a big deal, they've hugged a few times before.

"Do you know anything about him?" she asks. He knows who she's talking about and he knows his answer isn't going to make her any happier.

"I know his name, his father was factory station, he was arrested for attacking a doctor on the Ark when they told him they couldn't do anything else to save his mother, and he was a shit shot."

"He liked to walk around barefoot. He kept coming to med bay and asking me to pull splinters out of his heel. He had shoes, I don't know why he didn't wear them."

"He killed a reaper during the escape."

"Yeah, I helped him and the girl wash the blood out of their clothes."

"Were they together?"

"I don't think she felt that way about him."

"Maybe that was why…"

"I have no idea." She turns on her side and presses her face into his chest "How could we have missed this?"

"I don't know."

"He…we could have...he must have shown some signs or…"

"Hard to keep track of 78 people Clarke."

"This feels like Charlotte did."

"Yeah. It does."

"I'm glad that I don't have to do this on my own."

He smiles "I would never let you do this on your own."

"We'll have to talk to them tomorrow…all of them, before the gossip starts and,"

"I'll do it." He promises before he can even think it through "You just talk to his friends, make sure they're alright."

"We should burn the rope."

"We can't. We need it."

"I hate this."

"Me too."

She tries to roll back over, to put distance between them, but he stops her. His arm is pretty comfortable like this so…

"Thanks for letting me stay." She says.

"Thanks for staying."

They fall asleep in silence. They still have nightmares, but it's easier to fight them off, fall back asleep, and try again. In the morning they wake and untangle themselves. Bellamy sits on the bed while she pulls on her boots. He's trying to think of something to say to everyone that will be demanding answers. Clarke stands in front of him, grabs his hands, and pulls him to his feet.

"We should do this together."


	9. 9

_(9) Does this hurt? (aka the one where Clarke takes Bellamy's pants off.)_

When he sees her coming, he tries to subtly duck into his tent so he can sit down on his bed without her noticing how unbalanced he is. Of course she throws open the flap like she owns the place (what the fuck else is new) and stares at him until he acknowledges her presence.

"Something I can help you with?"

"You know, I just heard the funniest thing from Miller."

Bellamy sighs. He knows he's been caught because no matter how hard he tries, Miller is not funny.

"Yeah, he asked me how many stiches I ended up giving you last night because you were limping around all morning like your leg was falling off."

"Little shit." He mumbles darkly.

"Oh he's a little shit? That must be why you almost cried last week when he got separated from the group on your hunt."

He glares at her "I did _not_ almost cry."

"Whatever. Take your pants off."

Umm…

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me Blake, take them off." She walks over and stands in front of him. She's in one of those moods today. One of those super princessy moods where she's nothing but smartass comments and little smirks.

"I think you're forgetting that this is MY tent princess. You can't just walk in here and start giving orders."

"Your tent." She repeats "Well if we're so worried about what's mine and yours you can just…" she reaches down and pulls at the pelt laying across the bed, the one he was sitting on "give this back, because _this_ is mine." He loses his balance when the she rips the blanket from the bed and in a moment of pain reaches out and grabs the wound on his left thigh. Of course Dr. Clarke notices and the next thing he knows she's attempting to take off his pants.

"I wasn't aware that we had progressed so far in our relationship…"

"Your little comments will only make this worse."

"Don't pull so hard, there's a tear in…."

"The left seam yeah I know, I've been telling you to ask Siena to fix it for weeks."

"I can fix it myself."

"Yeah, like you fixed this?"

She has his pants around his ankles now and is staring at a two inch gash just below where his boxers end on his thigh. It had been a total accident, he'd slipped while he was helping the boys skin a deer. Everyone else had panicked when they'd seen blood and tried to rush him off to Clarke, but Bellamy had desperately wanted to avoid the situation he was now in. There was an extremely proud part of him that wanted the first time Clarke took his pants off to be in much different circumstances. Besides, he's had worse.

"Bellamy, this could be infected."

"It's not infected, I poured my entire ration of moonshine on it last night."

She raises her eyebrows and bends down to get a better look at it. His eyes immediately dart to the ceiling and he's forced to start thinking about his experience on latrine duty the week before to keep this from getting anymore awkward than it already is.

"So this explains last night." She mumbles.

"What?" How does she not realize how awkward this is?!

"Last night when I came to bed you kept making these weird noises every time you moved. I thought maybe you were having a nightmare, but now I know that you were just in pain because you're an idiot."

Well that's great, the girl he's sleeping with (and only sleeping….like literally only sleeping) heard him crying like a little girl in his sleep… And now she's touching him.

"Does this hurt?" she presses on the area around the gash and he flinches. "Damn it Bellamy, it's starting to get infected."

"How is that possible?" he whines.

She rolls her eyes "Because moonshine is not the end all cure all infection preventing miracle that you people seem to think it is. Stay right here, keep your pants off." She rushes out of the tent and he can't resist mumbling angrily to the empty space around him "Yet another phrase I would have loved to hear you say under different circumstances."

She's back a few minutes later and he can see a roll of bandages in her hand.

"I have to use the wider strips," she explains because she can see him glaring at them "its easier to wrap around your leg…"

"I cannot fucking stand those bandages…"

"Which is why I brought the cloth ones and not the canvas ones. Cloth isn't as strong, but you'd have the canvas ripped off before the end of the day so why even bother."

He doesn't respond to her because he knows she's trying to bait him into an argument. It probably means that she is as uncomfortable with the situation as he is. That makes him feel a little bit better.

"Why didn't you just come to med bay?" she asks, while he's trying to focus on anything other than the way her fingers keep touching his skin while she covers the wound in that seaweed paste of hers and starts to wrap it in the bandages.

"Didn't have time."

She shakes her head like she doesn't believe him, but carries on tending to his wound.

He's counted to 321 and tried to remember how to do long division by the time she tells him she's finished and he can put his pants back on.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about stuff like that." She says.

He focuses on buttoning his pants and looks up like he has no idea what she's talking about. "Stuff like what?"

"Really? So if that wound had been on your shoulder or your knee you wouldn't have come to…"

"Clarke, I told you it just didn't seem necessary."

"I just don't understand where this lapse in confidence comes from." She's smiling, so he knows she's teasing. She's doing what she always does when she knows he's uncomfortable, bringing him back to something that feels better, usually responsibility or anger. She's still baiting him so that must mean she couldn't think of any pressing camp matters to discuss. "I mean, there aren't many girls in this camp that haven't seen you with your pants off."

"Can we just go one day…_one day_ …without you bringing that up?"

"Are you out of practice….is that what it is?"

"Shut up Clarke."

"No really, it's been a while for you hasn't it?"

"Probably because most nights my bed already has another occupant and there's not much room for a third." His voice sounds bitter, but really he just wants the subject dropped. He sees her face fall though, she succumbs too easily to guilt….and usually over the stupidest things.

"I didn't …I mean I never thought about…sorry about that."

"It was a joke. Why are you sorry?"

"Because I shouldn't be in your bed when you could be using it for…other things."

He makes sure she's looking right at him when he shakes his head "I'm perfectly happy with what I'm using my bed for."

"Yeah but….I mean, I could stop."

"Don't." Its honest, and eager, and he can tell it makes her blush but he doesn't care. She's always around and he's just getting used to the idea that he doesn't hate it. He certainly doesn't want any less with her. "My bed is your bed. I mean…you're welcome to it. It's covered with half of your blankets anyway."

"Because yours had holes in them."

"Doesn't mean I can't use them."

"You can't use them to effectively keep you warm."

"Well then it's lucky I have you huh?"

She scoffs, but he notices her blush again "I have to go. Next time you stab yourself, I don't care where it is, come to me before you end up with gangrene."

"Yes your majesty."

"And if you don't get those pants fixed, I'll take them while you're sleeping and you can spend the next day barking orders at everyone in your underwear."

"I bet that'd be like a fantasy come true for you huh?"

She laughs and shakes her head "I'm gonna leave before your ego suffocates me."

"If you see Miller, tell him I'm looking for him."

"If you give him shit for telling me the truth your bed is gonna be pretty cold tonight."

He tries not to let her see how much the threat affects him. "I'm not afraid of a little cold princess."

Of course when Miller does show up all he does is pat him on the back and ask him about the reconstruction on the gate. It might be a little strange and it's pretty much impossible to define but whatever he had going on with Clarke was one of the few things down here that didn't completely suck.

He'd have to be an idiot to fuck that up.


End file.
